Wednesday, October 29, 2003
After the interview I'll head up to J&G's (they still allow smoking!!) and meet up with Debbie. Hopefully toss back a few Margarita's, maybe have dinner and shock the regulars because I'll be dressed up.
I finally heard from the company I interviewed with about 3 weeks ago. Apparently they are also interviewing internally for the job opening and hope to reach a decision by the end of the week. Why they couldn't return my calls and tell me this before, I have no idea. What I did to finally get a response was to e-mail the hiring manager, he forwarded my e-mail to HR and they responded.
Thursday, October 23, 2003
I am no longer looking for a job. They just aren’t out there and I can’t handle the stress of waiting for a semi-decent job to come along. Then again, the jobs are out there – they just don’t want me. Don’t ask the reasons because I get the vaguest fucking answers when I try to find out – over qualified, under qualified, “not the right fit” give me a fucking break and TELL ME!!
Two weeks ago, I interviewed for a job working 3rd shift. So far, I have called them twice and still have not gotten any response about the job status. My guess is that any day now, I will receive a “We think you can walk on water but hired someone else instead” letter. Now there’s a nice kick in the morale booster!
To make matters worse, mom calls every couple of days to ask about the job hunt. I know she means well but my patience is running in the negative. I’m ready to explode and it won’t be a pretty sight. I’m finding it difficult to control my anger when speaking with friends that mean well but have never been in this situation.
How many of you know just how demeaning it is to have 20+ years of experience and not be able to find work in your field? To know that every day you are out of work means your skills are one day closer to being obsolete. To have scrubbed toilets to pay bills (Yes! I did that for work while going to school) only to end up back in the same fucking place after 20 years. I just don’t have the energy, drive or even the will to start my life over.
Ian had returned from Beirut a short 4 1/2 months prior to the bombing.
Beriut Anniversary
Today is the 20th anniversary of the bombing of the Marine Barracks in Beirut, Lebanon.
On October 23rd 1983, at approximately 6:00 am, a truck laden with an estimated two tons of explosives and driven by a member of the Islamic Jihad terrorist group crashed past the Marine security guards on duty and through the front doors of the five story building nicknamed the "Beirut Hilton" on the Beirut International Airport and exploded. The blast killed 241 Marines and Navy Corpsman.
The Marine guards on duty had been instructed by their commanders to keep their weapons UNLOADED. I know one of them, and he will forever have nightmares of desperately fumbling with his magazine, trying to get it inserted into his M-16 so he could stop the attack. He saw the truck circling the parking lot, building up speed, and watched as it headed towards the building.
I also know several of the survivors (215 were pulled from the rubble), and one says that only a few men were awake and moving around... the vast majority were sound asleep in the first soft bed they had seen in months. (They normally slept in sandbagged bunkers that lined the perimeter of the airport.)
I lost a lot of friends that day... mothers lost their sons, wives lost their husbands, families lost members... and the nation lost alot of very good men.
Let's not forget, okay?
Ian Egan
Sgt. USMC
1979 - 1983
Saturday, October 11, 2003
Last weekend, as most of you already know, was THE PITS! I won’t go into details because I don’t care to relive even the memory. Let’s just say, it was extremely depressing.
On Monday, a friend of mine, Wig, insisted I join him for lunch and drinks at J&G’s. Knowing I needed some major cheering up, J&G’s is the place for that to happen. Arriving about 11:30 AM, it was a bit too early for Margarita’s. I didn’t have my first drink until after I had eaten lunch. There was a new item listed on the lunch specials - Shepard’s Pie. You and I know how Shepard’s Pie is made - layer hamburg with a little gravy, then corn (or veggie of your choice) top with mashed potatoes and baked. They had all these ingredients but added a few of their own. First, they added, what I believe were chili spices to the hamburg. Second, there was no gravy, instead they had a tomato sauce over the top of the potatoes. Third, they topped the sauce with mozzarella. While I will say, lunch was edible, I won’t order it again. I think I need to have a talk with the owner’s and explain they should not be turning an English food into a Greek version of an Italian food.
Anyway, the afternoon was spent picking on JC, one of the regulars. How can you not pick on someone that tries to look as though he just stepped off the pages of GQ? “Taliban” Bobby is great for picking on people as well as just teasing. Bobby has done some strange things and got his nickname by coming out of the men’s room with a towel turban and dancing around the bar. All the horsing around, one-liners, and visuals (thanks to Bobby) made for an afternoon of laughs with occasional tears from laughing too hard. By the time I left J&G’s my depression was fading away. THANK YOU WIG!
Wednesday, I had a job interview with Retail Brand Alliance. This is the corporate office for a group of clothing stores. They own Casual Corner, August Max Woman, Petite Sophisticates and Brooks Brothers. I have a couple of friends, Lynn & Andrea, that work at RBA. Andrea had contacted me when she heard about the job opening in Computer Operations. When I told her I was definitely interested, she passed my resume on to the Supervisor. Anyway, when I arrived at RBA, whom do I see but Lynn, having a smoke. Seeing me in a skirt, was a bit of shock for her. She commented that she didn’t know I even owned of those. After a few minutes of chitchat and chuckles, I was off to the interview. The previous week’s major rejections, took its toll on me emotionally. Before going into the interview, decided I wasn’t going get my hopes up or speculate on how I felt about the interview. That didn’t last long. The interview went great. I’ve heard from Andrea, the manager was very impressed with my qualifications and me. He is now waiting for his boss to return from vacation, to get “things” moving along. Exactly what that mean, I don’t know. It could mean he is going to make me an offer or it could mean I need to go in for another interview or ….. I’m hoping to hear more this week.
Wednesday is also poetry night at Klekolo and it was my turn as host. The feature was Cynthia Peck. I decided to surprise people by remaining in my interview clothing. My normal Klekolo attire is jeans. The skirt must have scared them all away because I almost cancelled the reading due to a lack of poets. At 9:00 pm, only one poet had signed up for the open mic. Karl & Victoria showed up around 9:20 pm. That gave us two poets, a feature and me. Instead of having Cynthia feature, it was decided to just have an open mic with three poets and myself. It was a short night and by 10:30 pm, we were ordering drinks at Cornerstone’s.
Thursday, it was time to enjoy the beautiful day outside. With temperatures close to 80, I went for a ride, in search of fall foliage. My first stop was at Cynthia’s – she forgot her wallet at Cornerstone’s. Next, I just picked a road and drove until I decided to turn. I drove around for a few hours, admiring the scenery and hissing at the political signs that take root every autumn. Before I knew it, I was at the back entrance to Buckland Hills Mall. There were a couple of things I needed to pick up at Michael’s Crafts so I a made a quick stop and then headed home.
Friday, I was lazy and did nothing J Actually that’s not quite true, I repotted 3 plants and I hung a few pictures.
Here is it, Saturday, and I’m planning to head to my parents house this afternoon. I’ll bring along my camera and again, search for the perfect autumn foliage picture.
Who knows what tomorrow will bring…….
Tuesday, October 07, 2003
Sunday, October 05, 2003
It's a bitch when you know your attitude sucks but it's a valid attitude. People keep telling me "things will get better" and "it just takes time" and for over a year, I have believed them and hoped for those same things to be true. The fact is people, it's NOT getting better -- look at the unemployment figures, they aren't going down!!!
After 20+ years in IT, and being out of work for 13 months, I came to the realization, I will probably NEVER work in IT again. That translates to 20+ of experience means nothing! I have nothing to show for all of those years. I don't own a home, no retirement funds or no savings left, no benefits. My car is 7 years old, in need of a tune-up, tires and probably in need of brakes. People wonder why I have such a negative attitude. Try to imagine throwing 20 years of your life out the window and starting over, at the age of 46, with nothing! That is what I have been FORCED to do. It's terrifying!!
How do I start over? I don't have a clue!! I do know, the first thing is to find a job - any job, with benefits!! Hopefully one of the benefits will be tuition reimbursement. Then I will have the ability to go back to school and be retrained. There are certain jobs I would like to do, but I don't know if I have the time, money or even the energy left to explore those options. Most IT jobs seem to be moving to foreign countries. I will not consider training for anything in IT, even though I enjoy the work.
While working at Wiremold, I had taken a "Professional Skills and Assessment" test. Scoring high in artistic and nurturing categories the following careers paths were suggested - Childcare, Culinary Arts, Teaching, Nursing. Who knows, maybe I can teach children how to cook? What I do know is that is that any choice will be a long, hard process rebuild. My only choice is to "just do it" or work at a mindless job until I am forced into retirement or drop dead.
I know everyone means well when they tell me to "look on the bright side" and "things will get better". Look at what have left for choices and tell me HONESTLY that you would not have the same "I was fucked over again" attitude.
Friday, October 03, 2003
Saying I am not having a good day would be an understatement. I've been out of work for over a year and had TWO very promising job interviews recently. Today I received rejections for BOTH of those jobs. Unemployment has run out and I have maybe $5,000 dollars left to my name. At the age of 46, I have NO medical insurance, NO retirement, NO savings, NO job prospects and NO great "love of my life". Needless to say, my first drink was poured about fours hours ago and my opinion is that "LIFE FUCKING SUCKS!"
Sunday, September 28, 2003
Saturday, September 27, 2003
Tonight I went to Cafe Downtown and listened to some great music. Pete Serge opened for Perfect Silence tonight. I won't bother to tell you Pete was great (he'll do that :) ) Tonight was the first feature gig for Perfect Silence and they were fabulous! Hopefully I managed to get some great pics. After I left, I realized I should have asked Pete, Dan and Sarah to pose for a few shots together, oh well, I try to remember next time.
Thursday, September 25, 2003
Wednesday, September 24, 2003
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Admit it, we all daydream. I would even wager we have one daydream in common – to hit it big in the lottery. Having been out of work for more than a year, I believe I have perfected this daydream. Yes, the normal, pay off all the bills, monetary gifts to family and close friends would be done. My daydream has added some extras to normal
I have many friends on-line and we cruise (on cruise ships) together. Over the years, a handful of friends have become very close. Our love of cruising brought us together but sharing our daily lives, made us friends. Quite a few of my friends read my blog entries and know these people. I will not name my friends, fearing I will forget to mention someone and cause hurt feelings. To thank my friends for being there for me, during good and bad times, I would take them on a cruise. I have not chosen the ports of call, they do not matter. I do know it will be on a Carnival ship – we love having fun on Carnival. Friends would receive first class airfare and/or limousine service to a luxury hotel, near the embarkation port. The night before embarkation would be spent with our usual “Meet & Greet”, fully catered with open bar. I would pick up all hotel charges, including meals and arrange for limousine service to and from the cruise ship.
If my friends compare their cruise documents, they will discover everyone has a Cat. 12 Suites. This will give us one major benefit – priority boarding and personal escorts through the long lines and directly to our suites. Once on board the ship, all bar tabs would be mine to pick up. No one will be driving that week except the ship’s captain. Now, he can join in our fun, but only if it turns the keys over to his second in command. Cruising with a large group, we rarely are able to dine together on formal night. Therefore, I would arrange one formal night for all my friends in the supper club. I am sure I can dream of more ways to thank my friends while on the ship. Sharing this information, lets them know how much I appreciate them and enjoy their company.
Of course, I can’t neglect the items I would purchase for myself after winning the lottery. I long to build a dream home on the northern coast of Maine. As I mentioned earlier, I have been out of work for over a year. This has given me plenty of time to daydream on the Internet. You see, I have had time to locate the plans for my dream home. There would be some modifications made to the plans. The most important changes would be an indoor heated swimming pool and a fireplace in the master bedroom. The “bonus room” would become a recreational area with pool table, sound system and bar.
With my love of cruising, you are probably wondering why I chose Maine instead of the Caribbean, for a dream home. I happen to love 3 out of 4 seasons. You can probably guess which season I do not like. Therefore, I intend to also purchase a custom built yacht and hire a full crew. My winters will be spent going from island to island in the Caribbean. Again, I have had plenty of time to search the Internet and I “think” this custom built yacht would work nicely for me. I would change the interior décor, since it is not to my taste in decor. Friends and family are more than welcomed to cruise with me. When the yacht is not in use, I might be coaxed into loaning it out to certain people.
You can see, I have spent a considerable amount of time daydreaming about winning it big in the lottery. Ahhhhh to dream……
I love days like today, sunny with just a little nip in the air. The leaves are beginning to change colors. In a few short weeks, the hillsides will be dotted in shades of yellow, orange, red and green. These are the days; I love to take long rides in the country, browsing antique shops, orchards, and search for the perfect Jack-o-lantern pumpkin or simply laze by a stream.
It would be nice to share these rides with someone special, maybe take along a picnic lunch. One of my favorite stops is a state park in eastern Connecticut called Devil’s Hopyard. People rarely use the picnic areas, they are too busy walking the trails and viewing Chapman Falls. During past visits I have taken a few excellent (IMHO) pictures of Devil’s Hopyard, with the falls and stream covered with snow and ice. Although the pictures are in color, they appear almost black and white. Maybe this will be the year I get those great pictures of the fall foliage.
To me, Devil’s Hopyard is the perfect place for an autumn picnic. Since I’ll probably be there alone, it’s also a great place to quietly sit alongside the stream read a book, write, or simply become lost in daydreams.
Saturday, September 20, 2003
This is a survey being done on AOL. Granted, this isn't a valid method of polling people but I think the results still speak loudly!
In retrospect, what do you think of Bush's case for war?
48% He deliberately misled the public 51,131
30% It was completely legitimate 31,688
22% He may have stretched a little, but the overall reasoning was sound 23,384
Total votes: 106,203
It appears my neighborhood is in need of "religious salvation". Almost every weekend, since moving in, someone has tried to "save my soul". Normally I am a non-violent, polite person. However, it's getting to a point where these people are going to be threatened if they knock on my door again. I have seriously thought of posting a sign stating "Religious solicitors will be shot upon knocking." Somehow I think that sign wouldn't be appreciated by the police department.
I have tried being polite, saying "no thank you" and closing my door. I have tried, not answering my door (they just come back later). Once in a prior apartment, they have actually had their children look in windows to see if someone was home. I wasn't very nice to those people, nor to their children.
Does anyone have suggestions for a way to "legally" stop these people?
Friday, September 19, 2003
You are The Cap'n!
Some men are born great, some achieve greatness and some slit the throats of any man that stands between them and the mantle of power. You never met a man you couldn't eviscerate. Not that mindless violence is the only avenue open to you - but why take an avenue when you have complete freeway access? You are the definitive Man of Action. You are James Bond in a blousy shirt and drawstring-fly pants. Your swash was buckled long ago and you have never been so sure of anything in your life as in your ability to bend everyone to your will. You will call anyone out and cut off their head if they show any sign of taking you on or backing down. You cannot be saddled with tedious underlings, but if one of your lieutenants shows an overly developed sense of ambition he may find more suitable accommodations in Davy Jones' locker. That is, of course, IF you notice him. You tend to be self absorbed - a weakness that may keep you from seeing enemies where they are and imagining them where they are not.
What's Yer Inner Pirate?
brought to you by The Official Talk Like A Pirate Web Site. Arrrrr!