Thursday, February 28, 2008

Take Two, Day 4

I've made it to day 4, again, and doing pretty good! There have been a few moments where I would have happily smoked a cigarette if one had been within reach. My co-workers are discovering I talk to the email tickets (or telephones AFTER I've disconnected) a little more than I used to. It's usually along the lines of "stupid fool". Thankfully I am able to control the language I use :) What I really want to call them are "dumb assholes".

Yesterday I had the breathing tests, follow up to my Echocardiogram and all the fun stuff. I'll start with the bad news.

The results of the breathing were horrendous. The inhalers have helped but not enough. The diagnonsis "severe emphysema". I was given a choice going on oxygen (about 16 hrs. daily) or staying with just the inhalers. I chose the oxygen, in hopes that it will increase my energy levels. I'm breathing much better with the inhalers. While it's still not the best, it's better than I was previously doing.

Next to the good news, the echocardiogram shows that my heart is doing great. There are absolutely no problems with my heart!

Now the very good news --- even after yesterday's visit, I didn't light up a cigarette! I wanted to but then I thought about it. Lighting up a cigarette to deal with the news of emphysema sure wasn't going to help me any. It was also the cause for the diagnosis. Lighting up would have been just plainly stupid.

Sometimes things need to hit me over the head for it sink in. It's now time to accept the choices I've made in life and deal with them. I sit here regetting the day I picked up my first cigarette but I also had a choice. No one forced me - I simply made a very bad choice, a long time ago.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Take Two, Day 1

I'm ready for my 2nd attempt at quitting and today is Day 1 again. This time, I KNOW I can make it though a few days, so the anxiety isn't as great as the previous attempt. I bought a bag of hard candy and I have my trusty pencil to keep my hands busy.

Whenever Spring decides to arrive, I want to spend as much time outside as possible. Of course, I'll plant another flower garden. Tending the garden will help to keep me busy and out of the house. In the meantime, I guess housework will be my "busy time". It would be great if we had a bout of warm weather so I could open the windows and air out the apartment. For any of you gardeners, where and when can I buy Strawberry plants?!?!?! I've looked for the past couple of years and haven't seen any.

I see Dr. Wasserstein on Wednesday for testing. At the same time I need to speak to him about one of the inhalers. One of the side effects is that it can cause Thrush, and they highly recommend thoroughly rinsing the mouth after the dosage. Well, I've been brushing my teeth AND rinsing with Listerine and it hasn't helped any.

Growing up with all the babies from Catholic Charities, I can recall several babies that had Thrush and it wasn't a pretty site! Mom would use a pacifer dipped in Gentian Violet and it seemed everything would turn this really pretty shade of purple. The baby's mouth, pacifer, bibs, burping diapers, clothing.... Yes, this stuff stains!! While I love the color purple, I'll opt for some other form of treatment.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Mental Determination

I've had a set back in my determanation to quit smoking. Yes, Monday was a bitch of a day and the work week has not gotten any better. In an effort to make up for my lost work time, on Monday, I've been working 10 hr. days. This week at work has also been horrendous. I've been taking 40+ calls every day, not to mention maybe another 30 - 40 tickets that come in via e-mail and handling follow up calls on existing tickets. We've also had an unsual amount of "idiot" calls this week. You know those jokes about people using the CD drive for cup holders? Well those people are REAL and they call our help desk! Not only did I buy a pack of cigs on Monday but I've purchased 2 more packs since then. I guess the good side (if there is such a thing) of that is previously, I would have purchased 5 packs by now and getting ready to buy another.

I haven't given up on quitting. I'm just having a difficult time getting the mental motivation going again. It's like starting from the beginning in setting a "quit date" and working myself up to it again.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Set Back #1

Hopefully this will be the one and only set back I have. Yesterday was just a trying day. My heat went out during the night so I called my landlord in the morning. He came over about 11:30 and proceeded to check the furnace. He couldn't get the furnace going so it's a call to Conn. Natural Gas (CNG) for emergency HOLIDAY service. They couldn't give an approximate time just "sometime this afternoon". I called my boss and told him I would be late since I needed to wait around for the repair person.

The afternoon dragged on and on and on. Frustrating doesn't come close describing the wait. Around 4:00 the phone rings. It's my landlord checking to see if the furnace is fixed yet. That's a big "Nope". He decides to call CNG again and then call me back. Well, it turns out the person was on their way here and had another emergency so he was re-routed. My landlord reminded them, that this was also an emergency and his tenant was without heat. That's when they told him the other emergency was a gas leak. Ok, a gas leak will beat a broken furnace for an emergency. Anyway, he called me back and gave me the news, the repairman would be here after the leak was fixed.

At this point, I'm going a bit crazy and said "screw it" and went for a quick ride to the gas station for a packs of cigarettes. I've already missed a 1/2 of work and it looks like I'm going to miss the remainder of the day too. I wasn't planning using a vacation day for my furnace. The alternative would be to have my landlord waiting in my apartment (by himself) all day. That thought didn't thrill me either.

I get home and send an email to my boss and co-worker explaining why I won't be in. About 7:00 my landlord called again -- still no repairman. To say we were both a little pissed off would be an understatement. The sun has set, it's been raining and windy all day and the temp inside is dropping. I turned on the oven just to help take the chill out of the kitchen.

At 9:15 PM there is finally a knock at the door!!! Gee only 9.5 hour wait for emergency service! The electronic ignition on the furnace died. He was here all of 20 minutes and the furnace repaired.

Now to see if my boss will let me make up some of this time, so I'm not using vacation time. BTW, that pack of cigs is almost gone. Yes, I'm going try again. I'm not giving up on quitting. It was just a set back and one that I WILL OVERCOME.

Monday, February 18, 2008

Non-Smoker Day 4

It was a difficult day, yesterday. It seemed no matter what I did I couldn't get wanting a cigarette out of my head. Around 1:00 PM, I resorted to putting my jammies back on. You see, once I'm in my jammies, it's highly unlikely that I will get dressed and go buy cigarettes. I tried to keep busy but was just not in the mood to continue with housework. I did go to Big Lots early yesterday and bought a new HP Deskjet. Hey, they had them on sale for only $26 and I needed a printer. I was going to buy a few groceries but with the urge to smoke, so great, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to stop the urge to buy.

On top of wanting a cigarette, I woke in the middle of the night only to discover my furnace went out. Luckily it wasn't a night of freezing weather. I did check on the furnace and flipped the on/off switch a few times. It tried to turn on but never completed. Oh well this is one of the reasons that I rent. Let the landlord worry about the furnace as long as I have heat when I come home tonight, I'll be happy. I still need to buy a few groceries but I still have those very strong urges. Hopefully they will lessen before the cupboards are completely bare!

Sunday, February 17, 2008

Non-Smoker Day 3

Another weird from last night. I was on an expedition, searching for the Holy Grail. You know what? We found it! Or atleast what we believed to be the Holy Grail. It was the mummified remains of a mother and child.

I'm finding that housework and singing are the best way to keep my mind off smoking. So, I turn up the XM Radio and scrub away the urges. As for resting times, I keep a pencil handy. It helps to eliminate the bored fingers syndrome. I'm trying very hard to not substitute the cigarettes with food. It took me too long to lose 65 lbs. and I don't want to gain it back.

In the car, that same pencil helps to keep my mind off the smokes. Of course the radio/CD player are going full blast. At this time, I haven't spent long periods of time in the car. Mostly to/from work and last night's ride to Windsor Locks to meet Debbie for dinner. Speaking of dinner last night... Debbie and I went to a Japanese restaraunt. Debbie had been there before, and had a good experience so I wanted to try it. It was only "eh" and I'll probably never go back. First there were 2 waitresses and 1 of them didn't speak english. She understood the foods on the menu but don't any her questions. Debbie wanted a Bloody Mary and it wasn't listed under the drinks. She started to ask if they had the ingredients --- "Do you have Vodka and" The waitress cut her off immediately and said "No". Of course, about 90% of the drinks they had listed were made with Vodka. I ordered Hibachi Steak and it came with soup, salad, veggies and fried rice. It didn't specify what kind of soup but whatever it was - it tasted like the broth was made of bacon and fish --- DISGUSTING! The steak was ok, it wasn't medium (as I requested) but closer to well done. It takes alot to ruin veggies, so those were pretty good. The fried rice, well it tasted like they used the broth from the soup to cook the rice, again --- DISGUSTING! Dessert was delicious but it wasn't we ordered. The offer a Fried Banana & Fried Ice Cream split. What we got was Fried Banana's with whipped cream and Hershey syrup. We asked the English speaking waitress "where's the ice cream". She proceeded to bring out a scoop of vanilla ice cream. Oh well, dessert was delicious anyway.

Today besides doing more house to keep busy, I'm going out shopping. Big Lot's has a few things I want to pick up. Along with a side trip to the grocery store. It's now time to get myself moving since I'm feeling those urges creep up.

Saturday, February 16, 2008

Non-Smoker Day 2

Big pat on my back for making it through Day 1!!! It was not an easy day. The Chantix is great for eliminating the physical withdrawal symptoms. Now to keep my mind and hands busy! There were a couple of moments (on meal break and way home from work) that I almost stopped to buy a pack. Instead of staying in my car and reading, during my meal break, I went back into the office. I hate taking my break at my desk because too many people expect you to be working if you're at your desk. That translates into working through your break and not being paid. They don't pay me enough to work for free! As for in my car, well, it's probably a sad thing to say but I actually took a deep breath and enjoyed the stale smell of cigarettes. That was enough to satisfy my urge until made it home.

Now it's on to Day 2 and I have plans to keep myself busy today. While I started "scrubbing" the kitchen yesterday, I couldn't complete it before leaving for work. So I'll continue with that today and do laundry. Another spot that MUST be cleaned up today is my computer desk. While at home, this was my main space for smoking. The ashtray is gone but the desk needs a major cleaning to eliminate the dirt. Debbie and I have made plans to meet for dinner today at a Japanese Steak House in Windsor Locks. Of course we'll have to spend time catching up on the lastest happenings.

Friday, February 15, 2008

Non-Smoker - Day 1

Today I am a NON-SMOKER. Having been a smoker for about 34 years, I expect the first few weeks/months of being a non-smoker to be filled with ups and downs. Hopefully, I will force myself to survive a few of my triggers (coffee and sitting at my PC) to document my progress. At the moment, I'm proud to say, I've made it through my first cup of morning coffee without a cigarette!! For me, that's quite an accomplishment. Documenting my progress, on my blog, is one of my ways to keep busy. My hands and mind, need to keep occuppied. What better way than to type away my thoughts.

I've shared my fun in obtaining the Chantix, in previous posts. Now it's time to share some of the fun I'm having with side effects. One of the side effects is abnormal dreams. Well, I have abnormal dreams all the time so I wasn't sure if I would recognize this side effect. Boy, was I wrong! In the last week, Marsha and I went on a High School field trip and missed our bus; offices at Wiremold were all turned into classrooms; two people I know to be anti-smokers, were having such a difficult time at work, they became smokers; last night's dream had my parents hosting a family reunion and 3 guys vying for my attention, showed up - let's just say they were a bit overwhelmed with the size of the family. Oh and there was a field across from my parents house with giraffe running around. The last I knew, there is a swamp across the street and giraffe's do not run free in Connecticut.

Saturday, February 02, 2008

Pharmacy Phun

No one should have as much fun as I've had with the pharmacy and insurance company, this week.

It started last Saturday with bringing in my prescription for Chantix. I dropped off the script and proceeded to buy a groceries. I'm in the checkout line and see the pharmacist turn off the lights - she's going to lunch. Luckily she waited since she knew I was in the store. I go to pick up the script and she tells me the Chantix is not covered. Whoa! I had called Cigna before going to the store and was told it is covered. That's when she tells me it needs to be pre-authorized. I take the script and go home. Wasted trip #1.

Monday I call the doctor's office and explain the Chantix needs to be pre-authorized. They told me it could take a couple of days for the authorization but they would let me know the outcome. So I wait for the phone call.... that comes on Wednesday. Cigna denied the authorization because (get this) it's not medically necessary! Hello people! Do I need to be missing a lung before it's necessary to quit smoking?!?! Any way, the doctor was going to write a letter and appeal their decision, so again I wait.

On Thursday I was scheduled for an echocardiogram (I learned how to spell it!) and show up at 5:00. Somebody goofed. The doctor's office had me down for Wednesday and as a "no show". Oh well, wasted trip #2.

I go home and realize I need to have the scripts filled for the 2 inhalers the doctor had given me as samples. As long as I had the time, I brought them to the pharmacy. Again, I drop off the scripts and pick up few things I missed earlier in the week. The return to the pharmacy yielded more difficulties. First the meds rang up as full price. Then we were suprised when Cigna's database couldn't find me. The kicker was Cigna's database saying they were not a valid pharmacy. Something is definately not right! So again, I leave without the inhalers this time. Wasted trip #3

Friday, it was a call to the insurance to verify coverage. That's when they discovered the pharmacist entered the wrong pharmacy code. Cigna called the pharmacy and explained the problem. The pharmacy needed to call their help desk to determine how to correct the pharmacy code. That's all straightened out so then I called the doctor's office to reschedule my echocardiogram. Ok, that's set now for the 6th (and it's written down this time). While I was on the phone, they checked on the Chantix authorization and it was approved!! WOOHOO!!

Ok everything is in order, or so I believe. Today's trip did not go without a bump. Apparently the help desk resolve the pharmacy code problem by deleting my account with pharmacy!! Today's pharmacist had to re-enter all the information as well as get the authorization codes from Cigna.

I am finally home with the Chantix and inhalers. And it only cost me $105.00 in co-pays!! Hmm, it only costs me $75 for 30 days of cigs. Why did I ever think I would save money if I quit smoking?!?!?