Take Two, Day 4

I've made it to day 4, again, and doing pretty good! There have been a few moments where I would have happily smoked a cigarette if one had been within reach. My co-workers are discovering I talk to the email tickets (or telephones AFTER I've disconnected) a little more than I used to. It's usually along the lines of "stupid fool". Thankfully I am able to control the language I use :) What I really want to call them are "dumb assholes".

Yesterday I had the breathing tests, follow up to my Echocardiogram and all the fun stuff. I'll start with the bad news.

The results of the breathing were horrendous. The inhalers have helped but not enough. The diagnonsis "severe emphysema". I was given a choice going on oxygen (about 16 hrs. daily) or staying with just the inhalers. I chose the oxygen, in hopes that it will increase my energy levels. I'm breathing much better with the inhalers. While it's still not the best, it's better than I was previously doing.

Next to the good news, the echocardiogram shows that my heart is doing great. There are absolutely no problems with my heart!

Now the very good news --- even after yesterday's visit, I didn't light up a cigarette! I wanted to but then I thought about it. Lighting up a cigarette to deal with the news of emphysema sure wasn't going to help me any. It was also the cause for the diagnosis. Lighting up would have been just plainly stupid.

Sometimes things need to hit me over the head for it sink in. It's now time to accept the choices I've made in life and deal with them. I sit here regetting the day I picked up my first cigarette but I also had a choice. No one forced me - I simply made a very bad choice, a long time ago.